February 2014
“Random thoughts for Valentine’s day, 2004. Today is a holiday invented by greeting card companies to make people feel like crap.”
-Joel, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind [opening lines]
A post about love on Valentine’s day. From a single person, no less. But this isn’t going to a hateful rant against all those loved up couples who’ve cluttered up my social network feeds with their bouquets and cards today..(ok I’m finished now. Promise.)
I’ll be honest, its more of a general pondering.. as someone who has been single for the last 2years.. what even is attraction? What makes us like someone? How do you grow to love someone? Just, what the fuck, really?
I’m not the sort of person who needs to be with someone. I’m quite happy to be alone and I enjoy my own company mostly. It does get lonely, don’t get me wrong and when your friends all have boyfriends it can be a little..grating. Who says I don’t want date night and spooning?? A cuddle really wouldn’t go a miss. But I could never just be with someone for the sake of it.
I have had people on the scene.. and I’ve always found a way of talking myself out of them. Picking faults and such.. they were perfectly brilliant lads. But I think if I didn’t feel it, I couldn’t force it. Of course, sex and love are different things.. but one night stands aren’t really my style and that really is another story.
Truth be told, I just haven’t found someone in these past couple of years of singledom that I’ve really feltconnected with or fully attracted to.
I’m the kind of girl that tends to fall in lust rather quickly.. I’m probably still permanently about 14 years old. I find people attractive if they’re passionate about something or have a talent that I find interesting.. I’ll fantasise about them for about a week, and then I’m kinda over it. This is why I’m the sort of 23 year old who still has posters on her wall. No shame. Celebrity crushes are fucking safer for the most part.
But its that attraction to someone, even on a friendship bases, that really interests me. When you can talk for hours with someone about shared interests..or even differing opinions. I love a good debate. Films you both like, music, fucking Shakespeare and whatever. Just crap..anything. I miss that. I miss having that kind of connection with someone.
It has to be more than that that takes a friendship to something further. Looks are obviously a factor.. I’m not going to be all kooky and pretend they’re not. Of course, a bad personality/no connection can make that good looking person.. less good looking.. if you will, and vice versa.
But there’s that animal instinct that scientists talk of. The supposed scent that none of us can actually smell but that, subconsciously we are drawn to. I have no real reason for believing this other than the research that’s been done. But I guess there must be something to it – why do we find ourselves attracted to this person and not that person?
It brings to mind for me the ‘love potion’ featured in JK Rowling’s Harry Potter.
“Amortentia doesn’t create actual love, of course. That’s impossible. But it does cause a powerful infatuation or obsession. For that reason, it is probably the most dangerous potion in this room.” – Horace Slughorn
The potion itself has a different aroma for everyone who smells it, reminding each person of the things that they find most attractive, even if the person doesn’t acknowledge or is unaware of their fondness for the object of their affection themselves.
This of course is a way of forcing attraction upon another person – but it makes me think that this is in fact what people feel for real when they are drawn to someone. Whatever we see or hear or smell – whether we’re aware of it or not – we like it. And the notion that even in the world of Harry Potter, love cannot be fabricated.. or at least, not indefinitely. Real love is more powerful than magic.. oo-er.
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One of my favourite films is the 2004 Jim Carrey/Kate Winslet masterpiece – Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. A story of love and hate and attraction and differences. Apart from being a trippy confusing film – I love the idea that even after ‘erasing’ someone from your memory – if the connection you have with someone is true, it never really dies.. and Joel and Clementine end up finding each other all over again the very next day. Its kinda beautiful. Like a ‘if its meant to be’ situation.
We’ve all been through breakups and heartbreak.. but if the opportunity were available to erase someone from your life. All of the memories. Good and bad. Would you do it? Would it help? Would it really erase the connection you had? Pain is only relevant if its still hurts.. and the spontaneous decision that Clementine made to delete Joel from her life, was just that – spontaneous spite from being hurt.
Its like in any relationship, love and friendship. You have all those things you adore about a person.. and all the annoying stuff that goes along with it. But you love them anyway.
In short – love can’t be forced (even at Hogwarts). Make sure you smell fresh. Maybe Valentines is a made-up thing just to remind singletons that they’re single..and put pressure on those of us with partners to buy presents and shit y’know ‘just because’. I don’t know. But you can save your flowers and chocolates – give me someone to drink tea in bed with and argue with about how the genius of Ian Curtis will always be superior to anything New Order did..
..and this blog post made no sense
Happy Valentines Lovers.
♥♥♥
*IMAGES FROM WEHEARTIT*
cattface.com 